saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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