I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
