I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
