that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
