I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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