i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
