i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
