Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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