She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
