And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The power of my boobs compel you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
