you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
