see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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