my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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