she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
