Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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