i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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