his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
