guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
