i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
