the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
