Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
