I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
