ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
