i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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