I'm lost and stupid without you.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
