You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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