Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
