The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
