just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Houston, we have a squirter
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
