Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
