Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
