I just pynch a tree in the face
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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