Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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