So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
