I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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