She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
