we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
