saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
