i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
