Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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