Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
