dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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