the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
