I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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