Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
