They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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