Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
