Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that's an acceptable place to lick
Barsexuality is the new black.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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