Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
