What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
