her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
