He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
