Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
