he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
