Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
