actually, I'm a sock model
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
