I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
