Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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