I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
