I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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