Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
