2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
