He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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