loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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