Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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