My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
