3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
