she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
