but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize