woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Barsexuality is the new black.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
