guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
