Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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