You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
