This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Two words: blizzard sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
