New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
