Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
