hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
