I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
