he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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