Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
