so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
