I love black thongs
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
