And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
